Note: When I was a kid, at the suggestion of
a grief therapist, I wrote this letter to my Mom
on Mother's Day.
I miss you soooo much. When you died my heart crumbled and I got tied up in a tight ball and I couldn't take in even a little breath of air. My insides filled up with sadness and I cried so many tears I could have drown in them. But little by little the crumble got less because of remembering all the good stuff about you. It's like the hurt started to shrink up just like that time I put the pretty red turtleneck sweater you knitted for me in the washer and dryer and it got shrunk up so small it looked like it could fit a for real turtle. Ha ha.
Now there’s so many things that make me think about you with happy thoughts just like last night when I opened the deck door to go and feed the critters and I got a big nose full of some nice smelling bush. I don’t know what that bush was but it made think of you because of how much you loved flowers and had such a pretty flower garden. It gave me a smile and a nice memory. That kind of stuff happens lots of times because now I let it in and before I couldn’t because of so much hurt being in the way. I think you’ll be happy the hurt is shrinking because you wouldn’t want me to be so sad for the rest of my life. I talk to you lots and I know you hear me and I hear you in my heart even if you can’t say stuff out loud. Some day I’m gonna be with you and I’m happy for that. But right now because I’m right here still on earth I’m gonna keep on being just me and do all the good stuff you taught me how to do. Oh and it’s gonna make you happy to know I don’t ever forget to brush my teeth at night and I always say my prayers and talk to God before I go to sleep. You can be proud of me and my brothers and my sister because were taking real good care of each other just like you taught us and just like you would want us to do. I love you more than a zillion of your apple pies and that’s a lot because you know how much I loved those yummy pies. For sure you’ll always be alive in my heart.
Happy Mother's Day in heaven Mom!
I love you.