i miss you soooo much. when you died my heart got all crumbled and tied up in a tight ball and i couldn’t take in even a little breath of air. all my insides got filled up with sad and i made so much tears i could have got drown in them. but little by little the crumble got less cause of remembering all the good stuff about you. it was like the hurting got shrunk up just like that time i put that pretty red turtle neck sweater you knitted for me in the washer and dryer and it got shrunk up so small that it looked like it could fit a for real turtle. ha ha. now theres so much things that could make me think about you with happy thoughts just like last night when i opened the deck door to go and feed the critters and i got a big nose full of some really pretty smelling bushes. i dont know what that bush was but it got me thinking of you cause of how you loved flowers and had that really pretty flower garden. it gave me a smile and a really nice memory. that kind of stuff happens lots of times cause now i could let it and before i couldnt cause of so much hurt being in the way. i think youll be happy that the hurt got shrunk cause you couldnt want me to be so sad for the rest of my whole life. i talk to you lots and i know you could hear me and i hear you in my heart even if you cant say stuff back out loud. some day im gonna get to be with you and im real happy for that. but right now cause im just right here still on the earth im gonna keep on being just me and do all the good stuff you taught me how to do. oh and you could need to know i dont ever forget to brush my teeth at night and i always talk to god before i get off to sleep. you could be real proud of me and my brothers and my sister cause were taking real good care of each other just like you taught us and just like you could want us to do. i love you more than a zillion of your apple pies and that’s a real lot cause you know how much i loved those yummy pies. happy mothers day in heaven mom! …love and hugs from your son lenny
So wonderful to be able to talk about this, Lenny. I do believe that those who have had to leave us are listening to us all the time.
ReplyDeleteHugs and love...
thanks miss carole. im happy you believe that too. its a feel good thing. ...hugs from lenny
ReplyDeleteThis is really sweet, Lenny. I'm speechless.
ReplyDeleteYou have so much to give. And you do that so well, LL. Cat Whisperer
ReplyDeleteLenny, I'm so glad you managed to "shrink" the pain and replace it with lovely memories of your mother. Such a wonderful and touching letter.
ReplyDelete- CS
Aww you sweet thing. What a precious post.
ReplyDeleteThis letter is beautiful. I hope your mom can see it from where she is. My parents died when I was 10 and now I have a 10yo myself, but I still remember all that hurt being inside. You expressed it so perfectly. I think you've got mad talent as a writer, Lenny.
ReplyDeleteOh Lenny ... this has me crying here at my desk at work. I hope nobody sees me. You are such a courageous young man, you truly are inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI know we've talked about this today, but my mom died when I was just one year older than you ... and I wanna tell you a secret, well maybe it's not a secret to you, but it was to me.
Your mom hangs out with God every day. And they talk about you. And they laugh about how proud they are of you. And one day you'll get to hang out with them too. But they want you to love living your life all day and everyday for now.
They miss you too.
Ditto what Matthew said in the first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful son and writer. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Lenny, as a mom, I have to tell you that's just about the sweetest letter ever - and you're absolutely, 100% right - your mom would want the hurt to shrink, the good memories to stick in your mind, and for you to LIVE your life - happy.
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